(AKA The Pointless and Highly Inappropriate Innuendo Quiz!)

Oh, wow.

The sexiness is strong in you. I can sense it. But just how sexy are you? Using the government approved pasteurized and certified questions below, I will probe the hot hot inner workings of your psyche. Through careful evaulation, this quiz will answer the one question you've been wracking your brain over for at least the past 15 seconds: How sexy are you, exactly?


1. Pick the sexiest number:

  • 69 (now that's an obvious one!)
  • 42 (What could possibly be sexier then the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything?
  • 3.14159265358979323846... (mmm. I'd like a slice of that pi!)
  • i (A sexy number!? Imaginary at best!)
  • 96 (It's sexy in that bizarre "our butts are touching and NOTHING ELSE" kind of way?)

2. Pick the sexiest vegetable:

  • An eggplant (They're really quite huggable. No, really!)
  • Hananero Pepper (ooh hot stuff!)
  • Avocado (To prepare an avocado, it is first necessary to slowly and seductively peel away it's lingerie-like outer layer to reveal the moist and green innards...rowwr!)
  • Cucumber (do you ever wonder why sex shops don't have a produce section?)
  • Beet (it's kinda like 'butt', except both spelled and pronounced slightly differently!)

3. Pick your favorite place to masturbate:

  • Venezuela (hot and steamy...with humidity!)
  • Jupiter (there's nothing wrong with wanting a little privacy, eh?)
  • The aisle with the kleenex and toilet paper (It's called "Being Prepared" ok?)
  • In your pants (this seems a bit obvious...)
  • In my pants (pervert.)

4. What really gets you in the mood?

  • Rapid ingestion of pure cane sugar (You gotta get your energy from *somewhere*, right?)
  • Your mom (Well, she is quite a lady!)
  • Nature videos about groundhogs (My, can those wee buggers burrow!)
  • Eggplants (have I mentioned how huggable they are?)
  • Rapid ingestion of dairy products (Well, it gets you in the 'moo'd, anyhow)


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